Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I decided to finally start my own blog here on blogger. I'm not sure that people who go to my website want to be bogged down in my musings and ruminations about recent sad events. So I'm moving it here. I've reposted the last few entries, because I want to save them. I don't have a lot to say today. I'm having an OK day. I spoke to the broker about my account so I'm feeling some relief there, or at least if it's not relief it's the abscence of anxiety over being handed the steering wheel of something that I do not know how to drive. Everything is going to be OK.
Originally published 2/27/07

My father was very excited for me and my ebay career. He used to call me "Beady" sometimes. He'd phone me and say "Hi, Beady, how's ebay today?" I think he really got a kick out of the fact that I had found something I really love to do. He was so excited and proud when my beads had a lot of bids - not because of the money but because it meant that people wanted my beads. He never really saw the beads I made until one time when I had them with me on a visit to the Lake last summer. Of course he had seen a few at a time, but this was when I was preparing for a show, so there were tons of colorful beads all in one place. He was favorably impressed.
Originally published 2/26/07

All in all, the weekend was OK. It's snowing today so I rescheduled my car appointment. I can deal with that next week. I just don't feel like doing anything. Even if it were warmer, I don't know if I'd want to make beads or not. I just feel like watching TV, or staring out the window at the birds at the feeders in the backyard in the snow. I tend to want to hibernate in the winter anyway; just hunker down and wait for spring. I was trying to fight the hibernation before all this happened, and now I just want to succumb to it. I subscribed to the New York Times - the first issue is supposed to come today. He always said I should read the newspaper. I think he read three or four a day. He was so smart.
Originally published 2/24/07

In an effort to get my mind off of sad recent events, my husband took me out to dinner and a movie this evening. We went to Chunky's - a new experience for both of us. You sit in limousine seats across a table from each other and you can eat dinner while you watch your movie. We went early so we could eat before the movie started. It was kind of cool - very comfortable, that's for sure. We saw "Music and Lyrics" which was just what the doctor ordered. Light and fluffy. It is just what it purports to be and was just the ticket. I was distracted for that couple of hours and it felt good. It's hard to believe he's been gone for a week. It feels like forever already.
Originally published 2/23/07

Grief is a bizarre thing. It comes at you in waves. One minute, you're fine and the next minute, you're a quivering pile of tears. And sometimes all it takes is a little thing to trigger you. You're fine looking at pictures, remembering old times and comforting others but when you see the glass paperweight he gave you after he cleaned out his office, or when you hear one of his favorite songs, you dissolve. All I can do is ride the waves as they come in and try to keep my head above water. He'd want me to.
Originally Published 2/21/07

Well, I'm back. Unfortunately, my Dad passed away on Friday night. He was admitted to the hospital on Monday evening for pneumonia. Sometime during that night he had a respiratory arrest and was put on a ventilator under sedation. We all flew down on Tuesday. He was on the ventilator until Thursday morning. When we got to the hospital that morning, he was sitting up, eating ice chips and the pneumonia seemed to be improving. We all got to tell him how much we love him. It was like he had arisen from the dead. I was so happy because I had been steeling myself for the worst. Sadly, on Friday night during the night he had the same thing happen where he stopped breathing and this time they couldn't get him back. We're so sad, but also happy because we got to say what we wanted to say. We got to see him one last time and he knew how much we loved him. He told us over and over what a nightmare it was being woken up on the ventilator. He wouldn't have wanted to go through that again. So I guess if it had to happen, this was just about the perfect way for it to happen. It was quick and painless for him, and there was no unfinished business or things left unsaid for us. That has always been a huge fear of mine, that he would pass away and I wouldn't get a chance to tell him that I loved him. My mother is doing better. She came out of the hospital on the Sunday before my Dad went in. She's under a lot of stress right now, obviously, but she'll be coming home to NH on March 3, with my sister, and she'll be addressing the rest of her health problems up here. Here is a picture of my father, mother, sister and niece in happier times.
Originally Published 2/10/07

I'm headed to Florida on Tuesday for a few days to take care of my parents. They are snowbirds like so many around here, and they've been in Florida since the beginning of January. My mother went for a routine blood pressure check on Tuesday last and the Doctor heard an abnormality in her heart. Turns out she has an atrial fibrillation - the top chambers of her heart aren't beating properly. She had a catheterization yesterday and a small blockage was removed. She's in the hospital and will probably be there until Monday or Tuesday. We are very lucky that it was found this way and not via a heart attack. So we're counting our blessings. My dad has been on oxygen for a few weeks now and is kind of weak, so he needs to be taken care of, something my mom won't be ready to do for a few weeks at least. My sister (the doctor) is coming down on Friday and she'll be there until my other sister (the teacher) comes for February vacation. So we have coverage into March, which is good. This has been an incredibly stressful time for all of us. Parents getting older is not something that's pleasant to think about but it is a fact of life. It's important to make every day count. I'll be back in a few days.