I can't help compare how I'm feeling now about Barney to how I felt when my Dad passed away. I know that the two deaths are no comparison in gravity but I still feel just as badly. I also find myself rationalizing things in the same way as I did back then. Counting blessings, thinking about how the worry is over, and how the changes that come may be not be all bad. For instance, I was always afraid to have Elizabeth be near Barney because I've seen him snap at small children before. Now I don't have to worry about that. I never brought Barney and Java to the lake with Katie there because Barney didn't like dogs that were bigger than he was, so now we can bring Java next summer. There's a lot less to do in the mornings and evenings, now that he doesn't need to be medicated. Thinking about these things helps me to deal with the excruciating ache I have in my heart right now. It somehow makes it retreat to a dull ache instead of a stabbing emptyness. I know he was just a dog, but he was my beefy man and I'll miss him tons and tons.