Sunday, December 21, 2008


I can't help compare how I'm feeling now about Barney to how I felt when my Dad passed away. I know that the two deaths are no comparison in gravity but I still feel just as badly. I also find myself rationalizing things in the same way as I did back then. Counting blessings, thinking about how the worry is over, and how the changes that come may be not be all bad. For instance, I was always afraid to have Elizabeth be near Barney because I've seen him snap at small children before. Now I don't have to worry about that. I never brought Barney and Java to the lake with Katie there because Barney didn't like dogs that were bigger than he was, so now we can bring Java next summer. There's a lot less to do in the mornings and evenings, now that he doesn't need to be medicated. Thinking about these things helps me to deal with the excruciating ache I have in my heart right now. It somehow makes it retreat to a dull ache instead of a stabbing emptyness. I know he was just a dog, but he was my beefy man and I'll miss him tons and tons.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

There is no such thing as just a dog. He was a love. Grief is the price we pay for love. Having pets is difficult, because they are with us for such a short time. The most important thing is that you showered him with love, affection and warmth. you took care of him, kept him safe and protected. You gave him a happy and joyful life with a wonderful companion and friend Java. His time on earth was short, but his time in your heart is forever.

Anonymous said...

You need to change the -y to -i and add -ness: emptiness.
I am sorry about Barney. He was such a lucky dog to have had you and Bob and Java and Gary.

R. said...

I am sorry to hear about Barney. Not too long ago, I had to euthanize my dog who was very dear to me. I think of him often and remember all the love he brought to my life. Today I smile when I think of him. I hope that you too will smile again.

JavaGirlBT said...

Thank you, R., for your kind words.
-Ellen

Wiley said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I had words to comfort you...just remember, you will see him again. Happy, young and playful...

**Hugs**

JavaGirlBT said...

Thanks Wiley.